so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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