Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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