i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
