I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
