After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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