dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
