I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
