I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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