he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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