I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
