it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
