tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
