Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
