its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
