I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
