Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize