woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
