kristin has been a bad kristin
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There r osticjed everywhere
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
