Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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