I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
