I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
