have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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