just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
