brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
