I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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