I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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