I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
