Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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