Non-Jews are for practice
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize