guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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