Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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