as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
