I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
