I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
