I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
