I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
