Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think my tv is drunk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a beard to bite.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
