She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
