Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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