If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize