Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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