if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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