Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
