Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
