Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
