Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize