im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
