Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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