just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
