you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
