I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need moral support for this bender
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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