You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
