You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you had me at cake vodka
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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