i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
