i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
