just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
birth control should be required to get into college
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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