I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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