you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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