Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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