All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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