So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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