Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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