shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
