We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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