Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
