I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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