apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
