I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize