Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
