I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
