i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
