i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont even know how to be here
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found your dick twin last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
