oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
