He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
