did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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