Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize