I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
