I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
