I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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