I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
