Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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