I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
