let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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