Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
