He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I supernannyed him into submission
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
