I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize