there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
