What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
