I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
the raccoons are back...
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