hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
