oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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