oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
