she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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