i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
