carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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