So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
