I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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