as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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